This lady…. she was something!

I once had to sit in a room because she was convinced I had eaten a bunch of no bake cookies that she told my cousins and I not to touch. I sat there until my cousin confessed.. what felt like hours later.

She yelled at me for eating more than one dinner roll.

She was strict and made us make the bed in the morning. That was one of the things I actually loved about going to her house. I liked the structure, the regime, but I felt conflicted because I also felt she was too strict, and that wasn’t fun either.

But she lived on Higgins Lake with my Grandpa and being there with my cousins, are some of the best memories of my life.

She was beautiful, headstrong…or extremely stubborn as some would put it.

I learned more about her life at her funeral than I had known about her personally while she lived it.

She was born blue and technically dead. They brought her back to life, she fought her way back.

She lost her mother at a young age.

She had to have that strength and conviction from day one to survive.

She raised 6 kids (no wonder the dinner roll ration meant so much).

All of these things you get as an adult, your child mind doesn’t have the capacity to see past the “strictness”.

Her “controlling” nature to some, made total sense to me as an adult. Anyone who’s felt the natural abandonment of death, at such an early age, the death of someone that integral in a child’s life… you naturally begin to “control” any circumstance you can, to survive.

And even though I did not face that, I too have some of the same characteristics as she. It’s in my blood. So I get her. I get her now, more than I ever did.

She’d love that I still try to be as grammatically correct as possible and find great importance in it.

I think I was 9 when I asked where my Mom was “at” and she yelled “that’s a prepositional phrase!” Like I had just done something so appalling (even worse than stealing no bake cookies that I didn’t steal). I didn’t even know what a prepositional phrase was. I had to ask. Not her, I was too scared. I asked someone else. Lol

And you know what’s funny? Now, I am most thankful and proud for those things about her.

I’m proud to have known such a woman, to be related to one that managed the life she had, that had to come back to life right after she was given it. And probably did that more over the course of her life than I realize.

I struggle with two kids sometimes. I can’t imagine.

She cooked meals, including dessert. She always looked gorgeous. Even in a tiny kitchen with 14 grandchildren running in and out.

Everything that made her seem harsh or this or that, now all makes sense to me, and I have a great appreciation for it.

I still tell her how much I hope she knows that I loved her, and how much love I’ve gained for her as I’ve grown.

I wish I could’ve known more and had more understanding when she was here to love her as much as she could ever be loved, and to show her in every way, that everything about her was appreciated.

I adore this picture.  She was so proud of me this day… I was her first grandchild to graduate college. She had come up behind me, she just had this pure joy, she was playful in this moment.  I remember wishing she were more playful when I was young, and in this moment I got that wish. I loved that something I did made her this happy. It’s a gift I’ll treasure forever.


Now I think of how she made us watch “The Unsinkable Molly Brown” and how strongly that woman’s persona stuck with me, and I feel the same about my Grandma.

She loved “Gone with the Wind”.

Again, now I see why, and I cherish that she made me sit and watch it.

I see you now Grandma. I see you as the woman you were and are. I admire, and I thank you.

I know you’ve never left any of our sides since you passed, it’s just not who you are.  I admire your strength. And I’m grateful you passed A LOT of that strength down 😉

I love you… ALL of you.